Talking to Little Girls

Earlier this week, Greg and I took our darlin’, curly-haired, chatty niece to see a Halloween scarecrow display. She is only two, but my goodness she is chalk-full of personality and is beginning to string together sentences and carry-on little conversations. We talked about Dora the Explorer, her favourite bedtime books and the animals on the farm.

So, how should you talk to a little girl? Is there even a right way and a wrong way to do so? Or, perhaps, a better way? I never thought about this until I read Lisa Bloom’s fabulous op-ed piece, How to Talk to Little Girls. If you have a little girl in your life, I highly recommend taking a few minutes and reading through Bloom’s thoughts.

Before this article, my first impulse was to tell Reese (and other little girls) how darn cute/ pretty/ beautiful/ she is. I would mention her big blue eyes, her pretty curls or gush over the frilly dress she was wearing. So, what's wrong with that?

Well, as Bloom explains commenting on physical beauty has become the standard way of talking to girls – it feels natural and safe. But, Bloom urges each of us to be more mindful of the message this typical speech sends. Teaching girls that their appearance is the first thing you notice tells them that looks are more important than anything. She reports that nearly half of all three- to six-year-old girls worry about being fat, 15 to 18 percent of girls under 12 now wear mascara, eyeliner and lipstick regularly, and eating disorders are up while self-esteem is down. Yikes!

So, I have been making a conscious effort every time I see Reese to bite my tongue and remark on something other than her cuteness. I’ll ask her questions about her toys, her daycare, or her little friends. Bloom's advice is to have real conversations with little girls, even little two-year olds. Ask about their thoughts and interests (think: “Have you been swimming this summer? What are you dressing up as for Halloween? What’s your favorite bedtime story?”), and as they get older ask them more thought-provoking questions, ask them difficult questions, and continuously ask for their feedback (Think: How can you reduce pollution? What changes would you like to see in your school? What’s been challenging you lately?).

The key is emphasizin­g their character, their kindness, their minds. Perfect. I'm not necessarily going to hold back from compliment­s about their looks, but I'm going to ensure I don't let it become the focus or the first comment.

­Changing the topic of conversation is such a seemingly small thing, but it can make a major difference, don't you think?

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